Monday, 02 March 2009

• Back when

  Back When: Straw broom to clean sidewalk, street after mowing.

  Now: After filling gas tank, blow lawn clippings into street or neighbor’s yard (if they are not looking) with $124.99 Craftsman 200 mph 430 CFM Gas Blower/Vacuum.

   

  Back When: Look up the word in Webster’s Dictionary (that’s a book).

  Now: Run spell checker. Who needs to learn to spell?

   

  Back When: Brylcreem. (A little dabba do ya!)

  Now: After shaving face with lanolin enriched, age defying gel and shampooing hair with special root enhancer scalp stimulator and conditioning with silkening, thickening conditioner, and cleansing and moisturizing face, style hair with unscented enriching nourishing gel, finish with firm-hold hair spray.

   

  Back When: Clothes pin, paper clip, staple or rubber band to hold tight the potato chip bag after opening.

  Now: Plastic clip with “SNACK” printed on holding bar so the chips won’t be confused with toothpaste in case you couldn’t figure it out on your own.

   

  Back When: Stop at grocery to get wholesome dinner ingredients.

  Now: Stop at McDonalds.

   

  Back When: Whiten sheets by air-drying in sun.

  Now: Whiten sheets with detergent containing bleach, dry in clothes dryer with scented softener sheet for fresh-air smell.

   

  Back When: Whiten teeth with Pepsodent. You wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

  Now: Super-whiten teeth with porcelain veneers or dental bonding, chair side bleaching that may include a bleaching agent, special light and lasers, or Pepsodent Whitening Anti-Cavity Toothpaste.

   

  Back When: Carry change for pay phone.

  Now: Get extra job to pay for cell phone.

   

  Back When: Prune juice.

  Now: Colonic irrigation

   

  Back When: Prunes

  Now: Dried Plums

   

  Back When: Hire neighbor kid to mow lawn.

  Now: Subscribe to weekly lawn care service to mow, trim, and edge.

   

  Back When: Send mail by United States post office.

  Now: Send e-mail.

   

  Back When: Women attended college to get MRS. degree.

  Now: Women attend college to get Ph.D. in biostatistics.

   

  Back When: Tweeze eyebrows.

  Now: Tweeze chin.

   

  Back When: Saddle shoes and penny loafers.

  Now: Flip-flops and Easy Spirit.

   

  Back When: One piece swimsuits.

  Now: Yikes!

   

  Back When: Sheets and pillow cases sold separately in twin and double sizes.

  Now: Assorted sizes of sheet sets include one flat, one fitted, and pillow cases. Bedding sets include sheets, pillow cases, comforter, pillow shams and dust ruffle.

   

  Back When: Drive-in movies.

  Now: Video rental stores or multiple-screen movie theatres.

   

  Back When: Clean kitchen floor using cotton mop, bucket of water, and Spic and Span; will eventually have to buy more Spick and Span.

  Now: Swiffer Wet Jet starter kit, will later need batteries, cleaning solution, and cleaning pad replacements.

   

  Back When: Freshen stale air in house by opening windows.

  Now: Sprays, solids, liquids, and candles available scented and unscented from dozens of manufacturers.

   

  Back When: Have ice delivered in blocks or make ice cubes in tiny refrigerator ice tray compartment.

  Now: Pick up ten pound bags of ice at convenience store.

   

  Back When: TV had no sound and was called radio.

  Now: Antenna, cable, satellite on giant screen, portable, battery operated, and hand held TVs.

   

  Back When: Bulky upright vacuum cleaner.

  Now: Roomba.

   

  Back When: Gossiping over the fence.

  Now: Blogging

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